If the words “Lesbian Spank Inferno” mean anything to you, you’ll understand precisely what’s lacking in this film. We’re reunited with the principals, Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), James Norrington (Jack Davenport) and of course, the ever-inebriated Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). Just as soon as we see the young Swann about to be married to her beloved Will, colonial armies storm the castle, apprehending the two from crimes against the King. Oddly, the…

In attempting to write a commentary on this film, it’s become clear to me what I liked about the previous “Superman” movies (let’s just pretend the latter two never happened) all along. The instant I hear the Krypton theme in the opening sequence, returning us back to familiar and almost hallowed territory, I’m transported back to childhood. But I’m no longer a child, and as much as I try, I cannot help but see Superman through twenty-six more…

Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway) is a recent graduate of Northwestern University looking for a job in New York. After some shots of her and some glamorous others dressing for the day in clothes too ridiculously impractical to be taken seriously by any employer, save the entertainment and fashion industries, she appears for her interview with Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), the editor of …

Crosswords… Crosswords… Does this sound like a fascinating subject for a documentary? Probably not. I’ve said this before—forgive me if it sounds redundant—but I’m growing more fascinated with documentaries every year. I feel like learning something about somebody or some people, or, in the case of “Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill,” some birds—why not some nerds? I mean that in the most…

Kate Forster (Sandra Bullock) lives in a glass house (please, no jokes involving stones…) in the woods, near a quiet lake. As with all romantic stories (especially those involving Sandra Bullock), she’s a luckless type who drives the obligatory beater, despite somehow being able to afford an architecturally-iconic house in the…